An Open Book

Updated: Oct 28, 2020


Hi there and welcome to my first blog ever! My name is Beverly, I am the founder and president of Fuel Pax Foods. If you have not navigated through the website yet, I encourage you to do so and see what we have to offer. My mission here is to educate you as much as possible regarding health, fitness, and mental health awareness. My story is pretty long but I’ll try to summarize it as short and sweet as possible. I come from a loving family, my parents, two brothers and a sister. Our parents raised us for lack of better words, “organically”. What do I mean by that? Well growing up processed foods was restricted in our household. We were not allowed to have store bought juice and nevertheless any canned goods. The only “junk food” I remember us eating was cold cereal which at times I ate them dry as a snack. We made everything from scratch!


I remember coming home from elementary school to a plate of hot food waiting for me at the table and one of the first things I would do before sitting down was to squeeze two oranges together, add cold water, raw brown organic sugar and half a teaspoon of vanilla bean extract just to make my self a cold beverage. There were very little sick days and seasonal colds were an anomaly. We had family meetings once a month and Saturday nights were family fun night where we’d gathered up in the living room, turn it into Action Park and play The Floor is Lava together! Ahhh those were the days, not a worry in the world other than who picked up the other line while you were on the phone with your best friend!


Fast forwarding to 2014.


I was clinically diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (a mental health disorder

characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing

significant impairment in daily life. retrieved from URL: www.mayoclinic.org) and severe Anxiety (a disorder that involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks). You may have feelings of impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, or a rapid, fluttering or pounding heart retrieved from URL: www.mayoclinic.org.) I wish I could have the correct words to describe how I felt and how I sometimes feel but no words in the dictionary explains the severity of what this is.


Here is a small glimpse and imagery: close your eyes… picture yourself surrounded by friends and family. You are all on a beach and they are having the time of their lives. Not a worry in the world. Yet no one notices that you are in the middle of the ocean…drowning. Crying out for help in your mind and you can’t make yourself be heard because your lungs are filling up with water as you are drowning. Your mind is convincing you that you are dying therefore you need to let go of life after all, everyone seems so happy without you. So why not? Just. Let. Go. You’re watching your loved ones having a great time and you are there, but you are not there because you are slowly drowning, dying.


BUT YOU NEVER GET TO DIE because the same torture is happening over and over again and most of the time it is ten times worst. That is the closest I can get to describing how my depression is and even this does not assimilate to the truth. I remember literally hiding from the world. Staying in bed for weeks at a time. Dark room, sleeping pills every time I woke up because I didn’t want to stay awake and feel this way. At least in my sleep I was the person I knew I was when stripped from this horrible disease. I was my own hero in my dreams. I saved the world. My world, and I was happy. Nothing made this feeling go away let alone being happy. This was the depression part.


Panic attacks were similar but every time I had a panic attack, I felt like this was it. I was going to die within minutes. One night I went out with my friends. We were all having a great time however I was feeling a bit off. The night ended and as we said our goodbyes, I started to feel anxious and just nervous suddenly. I got in the car with my girlfriend for a quick nightcap and I started to worry because I was feeling flushed and unusual and that is when it all happened. I started to hyperventilate and cry because I literally felt my heart trying to force push itself out through my chest. I started to perspire and felt dizzy as I lacked oxygen. Darkness was enclosing as though sitting in an old theater and the ending of the film approached. I fainted. My friend pulled over in the middle of the highway, dragged me out the car and placed me on the ground as she called 911. I felt so ashamed of this and the only few people that knew about my condition was the few who experienced this with me. I hid it very well. It took every drop of energy out of me… but I hid it well.


Fast forwarding to 2018.


Years past and I had to go through the trail and error of finding the right medication. During those trying times, I had many suicidal thoughts and a few attempts as they were part of the side effects. I WAS EXHAUSTED and I needed this to stop. I hated being home because of my fear of just locking myself in my room and not coming out, so I kept myself busy with two jobs, two kids, and dog. I worked at Northwell Health during the day and at LA Fitness at night. Throughout the course, I began to eat better and feel better. I drank the courage pill and flushed ALL my medication down the toilet and food became my medicine. Eat. Pray. Love. I prayed A LOT, I ate healthy and I loved my family as much as I could.


The beginning of Fuel Pax Foods.


I meal prepped. I meal prepped for my self and my girls foods that nourished our mind as well as our bodies. I remember heating up my food and eating during my break at LA Fitness and members would ask me where I bought it, not knowing that it came from "Bev’s kitchen" lol. Eventually the idea popped in my head. I gathered the information of my potential customers and made a list. Name, cell, address, email, and any known allergies. I made a menu the following day and texted them the menu and price list. I had 35 customers my first try. Then one night I was laying down unable to sleep and researched “how to open up your own business”. I had just $500.00 in my checking account, and I used $499.99 to open up my LLC and all the paperwork involved. I had one penny left in my account. I said to myself what’s the worst that can happen? The following week my sales increased to 208%! Business was growing and I slowly started leaving my jobs eventually dedicating myself to 100% to what I call “my baby”.


There you have it folks! The not so short but my version of short and sweet introduction and very first blog! YAY I finally did it lol. I hope that my journey inspires some of you and you share it amongst your friends and family. Life is not easy as we all know and we can have plenty of vicissitudes dragging along. However, all it takes is a little bit of courage, faith in God and belief in yourself that YOU CAN change your life for the better by making at least ONE better choice each day. Instead of eating those chips, put it down and grab the apple instead. Small choices can lead to bigger changes. Food had a lot to do with how I felt and I so I changed my eating habits and went back to my roots from when I was growing up, eating healthy and exercising. It made all the difference in the world. If I can change my life around so can you. Believe in you because I know I do.


“Let thy food be thy medicine”


Till next time my friends


~ Bev

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